In Jeremiah 1:5, God told Jeremiah, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” God is no respecter of persons; He knew me before I was formed in the womb too, and chose two imperfect people named, Ervin and Lorraine, to be my parents. Why them? I don’t know and it doesn’t really matter. According to Jeremiah 29:11, God has good plans for me, plans for peace, to give me a future and a hope. I trust God’s complete plan for my life will unfold in His time and way. Here’s where His plan for my life begins.
Dad was a coalminer from Springhill, Nova Scotia. After hearing coal was mined in Minto, New Brunswick he went there to find work. Mom was a housekeeper for the local doctor and his wife. He noticed her one day, sweeping the outside steps and stopped to chat. After a whirlwind courtship, they eloped to Nova Scotia to get married. They returned to New Brunswick, and Mom soon discovered that her handsome husband had a serious drinking problem. She left him on numerous occasions but went back after things settled down.
In their 4th year of marriage, Mom got pregnant and by the end of her pregnancy was staying with my grandparents. My grandmother was a mid-wife so Mom was in capable hands. When Dad heard Mom was in labor, he waited on the side of the road, and was delighted to hear Mom delivered a healthy baby girl. After Mom got her strength back; she decided to give Dad and their marriage another chance. She returned home and to Dad with me bundled in her arms. Time would tell if she made the right decision.
Dad was a nasty drunk, and getting more abusive and volatile towards Mom. One night while in a drunken stupor he threatened her with a knife. Her life was in danger. She grabbed me and ran for the door and never looked back. My grandparents took us in, and Mom became a single parent of a fifteen-month-old toddler. My grandparents helped raise me while Mom worked, and that was my home for several years. A special bond formed between me and my grandparents.
Dad moved away from the area, but kept in contact with me by making short sporadic visits. He showed up when I least expected. I remember telling my grandmother, “If Dad shows up drinking, tell him I’m not home.” Whether drinking or not, she welcomed him in for a cup of tea and a bite to eat. My grandmother’s compassion enabled Dad to have a visit with me. When he moved far away, I’d get an occasional letter from him. Those letters and visits were the extent of his involvement in my life. How sad that alcohol was the curse that robbed him of a life with his wife and daughter.
I was 16 when news came Dad passed away. His lifestyle of heavy smoking and drinking and not looking after himself caught up with him. I wrestled with mixed emotions on hearing of his passing. Mom made arrangements for us to travel to Nova Scotia to attend his wake and funeral.
I walked in the funeral parlor with my heart filled with sadness. It seemed surreal to view my father resting peacefully in his casket. He was my dad, yet I knew so little about him, His siblings whom I met for the first time, mourned the loss of a brother they dearly loved and grew up with. They shared their sweet memories with me, and gave assurance he loved me despite our living apart. He spoke fondly of me when in their company.
Growing up without a dad in my life affected me more than I realized. For years I looked for love in all the wrong places, which resulted in heartache and many failed relationships. My life choices though not always great, caused a desire and hunger to know more about God. I discovered when you seek Him, He will be found.
I love to arise early to spend time with the Lord. It’s amazing how well my day goes after spending the first part of it with Him. One morning, I had a candid talk with the Lord. Tears flowed freely and spilled onto the pages of my journal as I shared how choices and decisions had affected my life. Something wonderful happened. In my spirit, the Lord said; “You never got to know Ervin, your earthy father. I will be the Father you never had.” Unspeakable love filled the empty void in my heart, and my life was dramatically changed. What He told me is confirmed in 2 Corinthians 6:18: “And I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” I am a daughter of Almighty God, and He loves me more than any earthly father. He’s proven to me that He will never leave or abandon me. As for the good plans for my life, there still unfolding and I believe they will until He calls me home. God keeps His promise.